funny relationship quotes

"I being married.
1. "You can't put a price tag on love.
"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America.
7. "My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem.
There's a funny thing about love, and it's called everything.

"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means." George Burns.
"I wouldn’t be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife." Tony Curtis.
"Wild horses couldn’t drag a secret out of a woman.
"Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them." Ogden Nash.
"A woman voting for divorce is like a turkey voting for Christmas." Alice Glynn.
"If a woman insists on being called Ms, ask her if it stands for miserable." Russell Bell.
"Show me a woman who doesn’t feel guilt and I’ll show you a man." Erica Jong.
"Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher." Socrates.
"A married man should forget his mistakes; no use two people remembering the same thing." Duane Dewel.
"Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel." Leonardo Di Vinci.
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage.
"There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman.
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close knit family in another city." George Burns.
"I’m the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern." Mickey Rooney.
"The secret of a successful marriage is not to be at home too much." Colin Chapman.
"The appropriate age for marriage is around eighteen for girls and thirty-seven for men." Aristotle.
"I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute." Rebecca West.
"When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her." Sacha Guitry.
However, women seldom have lunch with wild horses." Ivern Boyett.
"If we take matrimony at it’s lowest, we regard it as a sort of friendship recognised by the police." Robert Louis Stevenson.
"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech.
"It was a perfect marriage.
"I haven’t spoken to my wife in years.
"Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself." Roseanne Barr.
"Bigamy is having one wife too many.
"Women: Can’t live with them, can’t bury them in the back yard without the neighbours seeing." Sean Williamson.
The first one left me and the second one didn’t." Patrick Murray.
"My computer dating bureau came up with a perfect gentleman.
"If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?" Lilly Tomlin.
"Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good.
He was eighteen, she was sixteen and I was three." Billie Holiday.
You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again." Joan Rivers.
I didn’t want to interrupt her." Rodney Dangerfield.
Still, I’ve got another three goes." Sally Poplin.
"Mom & Pop were just a couple of kids when they got married.
She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." Henry Youngman.
I wouldn’t stand for that." Steve Martin.
"I was married by a judge.
Every now and then she stops to breathe." Jimmy Durante.
Luckily, this is not difficult." Charlotte Whitton.
"I hate housework.
"I’ve had bad luck with both my wives.
“I want to grow a flower for every time someone tells me “F*** you.” Then I’ll go back to that person and pin the flower on their lapel in a gesture of friendship.
“We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us.
But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong.
“I think you still love me, but we can’t escape the fact that I’m not enough for you.
“I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don’t want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot.
Read our relationship quotes and sayings to find the perfect way to express your feelings about all the important relationships in your life.
We hope you enjoy these relationships quotes and sayings and hope they bring a new dimension and deeper meaning to all of the special relationships in your life.
Our relationships bring meaning to our lives and provide the love, support and encouragement to make it through the difficult times and the joy to celebrate the wonderful moments in life.
We have an amazing collection of relationships quotes and sayings that honor the many special relationships that make life so sweet.
Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life.
The myriad of relationships in life makes it worth living and brings a greater degree of joy and happiness to our lives.
You can find the right relationships quotes and sayings to fit nearly every type of relationship.
Through reading the books assigned in class, it is apparent that relationships between spouses change after marriage.
As a result, spouses are disrespected by their significant others and most commonly by the decisions they make.
“Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen.
“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage.
“Sex and pizza, they say, are similar.
“Everything in the world is about sex except sex.
Fall Herbs- Take a few minutes this fall to set out several herbs that like cool weather, including parsley (flat Italian or curled), sage, rosemary, thyme, chives, lavender, cilantro, and mint.
Guy logic… ~ Even though I know what he's up to, I fall for this every dang time! I just wish I could turn off the "That's NOT how you do it!" portion of my brain.
If the river abruptly arrived at a sharp bend, the boats would follow Descartes third of motion and hit the shore of the river since the flow of the particles in the river would not have enough force to change the direction of the boat.
Descartes describes substances as consisting only of three elementary elements: fire, air and earth, from which the properties of any substance can be characterized by its composition of these elements, the size and arrangement of the particles in the substance, and the motion of its particles.
Based on his observations of how resistant nature is to a vacuum, Descartes deduced that all particles in nature are packed together such that there is no void or empty space in nature (however, Descartes makes it clear that he does not claim that a void cannot exist in nature, since he lacks the observations necessary to say this with certainty).
This rapid motion of particles is what gives fire its heat, since Descartes claims heat is nothing more than just the motion of particles, and what causes it to produce light.
Descartes believed that light traveled instantaneously – a common belief at the time – as an impulse across all the adjacent particles in nature, since Descartes believed nature was without a void.
Once the particles in the chaotic universe began to move, the overall motion would have been circular because there is no void in nature, so whenever a single particle moves, another particle must also move to occupy the space where the previous particle once was.
According to Descartes, the motion, or agitation, of these particles is what gives substances their properties (i.e. their fluidity and hardness).
As to the reason why heavy objects on Earth fall, Descartes explained this through the agitation of the particles in the atmosphere.
With his laws of motion set forth and the universe operating under these laws, Descartes next begins to describe his theory on the nature of light.
Descartes elaborates on how the universe could have started from utter chaos and with these basic laws could have had its particles arranged so as to resemble the universe we observe today.
This type of circular motion, or vortex, would have created what Descartes observed to be the orbits of the planets about the sun with the heavier objects spinning out towards the outside of the vortex and the lighter objects remaining closer to the center.
Swiss and Austrian domestic football is hardly likely to attract bigger crowds, so the stadia themselves are perfectly adequate for their usual needs, yet Uefa might wonder just how many more bums on seats they might have attracted had the finals been staged elsewhere.
Relationship Status: It's Complicated | Funny Pictures, Quotes, Pics, Photos, Images.
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Jerry: Ah, too bad you’ve got a little George Costanza thing goin’ on.
Jerry: I think you’re thinking of ‘You’re not supposed to eat 24 hours before surgery’.
Jerry: Father, I’ve never done this before, so I’m not sure about what I’m supposed to do.
Jerry: That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.
Jerry: Oh, I guess because you don’t want strangers calling you at home.
Jerry: Women don’t respect salad eaters.
George: You’re gonna over-dry your laundry.
An entire new generation has been able to experience and celebrate the show about nothing, and borrow lines from to George Costanza to explain why our lives aren’t turning out quite like we thought they would.
George: This woman hates me so much, I’m starting to like her.
Her husband came in to the room and glanced at what she was doing, and started badgering, “HONEY be more careful! PLEASE WATCH WHAT YOU ARE DOING! You don’t wan’t to poke YOUR finger! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU! Don’t look up when YOUR’E SEWING! There you go now slow and steady, nice even stitches.
“We have here what’s called a pregnancy suit,” said the woman instructor, holding up an artificial stomach with a strap.
“WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING!” Hollered Adam jumping out of bed.
“Sam” said Harry “You know my wife?” “Sure do” said Sam.
“Ok everyone,” said the the instructor at the birthing class trying to get everyone’s attention.
“You want me to pick it up?” he said hesitantly, “just as I would if I was pregnant?” “Yes!” said the instructor.
“Honey, what happened? Why are you home so late?” Questioned Eve.
“And is this her first child?” Questioned the doctor.
I told my wife ‘hey honey come on, let’s make love like the old days.’ She asked me for 50 bucks.
In my family I’m the boss and my wife is just the decision maker.
"Most couples make the mistake of giving each other the remains of the daythe leftover time after every other relationship and task has been attended to.
Every year all nations of the world warmly enjoy and celebrate the United Nations Day n 24 October every year.
On United Nations celebrations, there are many cultural performance are shown on Television channels on 24 October of every year.
24 October of every year world celebrate the United Nations Day.
Like every year on 24 October, time is come on 24 October for celebration of United Nations.
The day is now celebrated each year around the world as United Nations Day.
The main activities on Happy United Nations Day are to show their organization’s interest for the people all over the world.
24 October day is dedicated to United Nations, so 24 October is also known as United Nations Day.
United Nations on its Day which United Nations Day try and portray and give positive message to people and tell about their aims.
Happy United Nations Day is celebrated with many meetings and discussions.
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It is Possible to Cross an Ocean Without Wetting Legs.But It is Impossible to Cross the Life Without Wetting Your Eyes.
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This entry was posted on October 16, 2014, in Funny Images, Funny Jokes, Funny Quotes and tagged funniest jokes, funniest jokes ever, funny adult jokes, funny desi jokes, Funny Jokes, funny jokes collection, funny jokes in english, funny jokes to tell, funny kids jokes, Funny Quotes, Funny sayings, funny short jokes, funny words, hilarious jokes, joke of the day, jokes for kids, jokes in english, short jokes, simple english jokes, simple jokes, simple short jokes, very funny jokes.
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When love is lost, do not bow your head in sadness; instead keep your head up high and gaze into heaven for that is where your broken heart has been sent to heal.
When you’re in love, all the pieces fit but when your heart gets broken, it takes a while to get everything back together.

If you prefer watching TV soaps, you will enjoy Sarah Jessica Parker’s famous TV sitcom Sex and the City that offers all kinds of relationships on a platter.
Another movie that comes to mind is The Holiday , where the characters explore new relationships after going through a bad break-up .
Ever seen the harrowed husband, who tries to maintain peace between his wife and his mother ? You may have observed a funny exchange of words when a large family meets up during Thanksgiving.
Many movies have been made around funny relationships.
Movies imitate life , and life has many paradoxical relationships.
You will find many chaotic relationships that lead to humorous situations.

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