funny work quotes

Grab a cup of coffee, relax, let these humorous quotations and funny sayings go to work…on your psyche.

“I like to call in sick to work at places where I’ve never held a job.
“Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams.
“There is no time for cut-and-dried monotony.
I want to be a woman and to be a man, to have many friends and to have loneliness, to work much and write good books, to travel and enjoy myself, to be selfish and to be unselfish… You see, it is difficult to get all which I want.
“I’ve learned one thing, and that’s to quit worrying about stupid things.
“I am awfully greedy; I want everything from life.
“Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.
“I’m on a government watch list.
“A man is not idle because he is absorbed in thought.
“I deadlines.

Some of these quotes and sayings will make you laugh out loud, others you will continue to remember for a long time but most importantly, you can share these funny work quotes with friends, colleagues and family and help bring a smile to their faces.
Need a phone holder to keep your phone in view as you work away on your office desk, try this handy fella who would make sure you do not miss that important sms message while your phone may be on silent or buried under the pile of paper.
If you’ve got a friend or work colleague who’s got a very good sense of humor and enjoys funny quotes and sayings, you can give some of these gag gifts on special occassions.
Take a look at some more funny but hands-on work accessories that can serve as a great for friends and colleagues who would appreciate these kind of things.

Teaching: The only profession where you steal things from home and bring them to work.
Teaching: The only profession where you steal things from home and bring them to work.
This would have worked wonders when my dad's fifty gallon fish tank incident happened.

A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.
Drinking after work is fine, but if you really want to enjoy working then drink before work.
Why can’t cats work on the computer? They get too distracted chasing the mouse around.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

Individual commitment to a group effort – that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work.
People who work together will win, whether it be against complex football defenses, or the problems of modern society.
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
Far and away the best prize that life has to offer is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.
Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.
Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don’t recognize them.
Luck to me is something else: Hard work – and realizing what is opportunity and what isn’t.
The best preparation for good work tomorrow is to do good work today.
Nothing ever comes to one, that is worth having, except as a result of hard work.
Everyone has been made for some particular work, and the desire for that work has been put in every heart.
Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.
The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.
The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play.
There is always the danger that we may just do the work for the sake of the work.

But Marge, you being the cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman – and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed is simply a comfort thing.
And the award for worst costume this year goes to … Stan, for his stupid little clown-thing costume.
One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style.
Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.
Along with success come drugs, divorce, fornication, bullying, travel, meditation, medication, depression, neurosis and suicide.
The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.
Success and failure are both difficult to endure.
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
There’s no secret about success.
From rickety leadership to entropic working styles, the business world, like real life, is shaded with chuckles.
If you don’t know what to do with many of the papers piled on your desk, stick a dozen colleagues initials on them and pass them along.
Success in almost any field depends more on energy and drive than it does on intelligence.
If at first you don’t succeed; you are running about average.
If at first you don’t succeed, take the tax loss.

A great collection of some thoughtful and funny work quotes has been put together in this article.
If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.
Funny Work Quotes How about squeezing some fun out of your work? Some really thoughtful and funny work quotes await you in the following.
Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.
The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.
Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.
See what people from different backgrounds have to say about work.
Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train.

What if we invested more time and attention to our own experimentation? We could focus our efforts on discovering solutions that work uniquely for us.
If you do boring, stupid, monotonous work, chances are you’ll end up boring, stupid, and monotonous.
Then we roll the videotape… then we have our experts on the topic… I’m in the ‘What’s next?’ phase of my career.
The biggest mistake that you can make is to believe that you are working for somebody else…The driving force of a career must come from the individual.
My mother said to me, “If you become a soldier, you’ll be a general, if you become a monk you’ll end up as the pope.” Instead, I became a painter and wound up as Picasso.
People with clear, written goals, accomplish far more in a shorter period of time than people without them could ever imagine.
To be successful, the first thing to do is fall in love with your work.

To find the best quotes ever said, see my collection of  333 wittiest quotable quotes (PDF version).
Tip: Using quotes is a great way to spice up your writing and speaking.

~ The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.
~ If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.
~ People are still willing to do an honest day’s work.
~ Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.

A boss makes work drudgery, a leader makes it interesting.
Anonymous About a boss A boss creates fear, a leader confidence.A boss fixes blame, a leader corrects mistakes.
These funny work quotes are all about the humor that can be found in the work place no matter if you are blue-collar, white-collar, or more of a purple-collar.

Read through this page and follow the links to other funny sayings about work at the end of this page.
You don’t work – you don’t have money to live, you work – there’s no time to live.
Do share any funny sayings about work with us.
Funny sayings about work are already a legend.
Doing things that you are not supposed to do at work makes your vision, hearing and alertness much better.

Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life.
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The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.
By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day.
A good rule of thumb is if you’ve made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you’ve made a serious vocational error.

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Check out these notable quotes about the working world from a variety of productions on both the big and small screens, and then suggest your own.
So it’s no surprise that there have been an abundance of movies and TV shows over the years that have focused on the workplace, and all its joys and pitfalls.
Interactive charts, articles, and online features on the top places to work in Massachusetts.

Funny Jokes > Funny Quotes Funny Quote Work quotes The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.

Coworker: “Sir, I want to make it very clear that if I had any choice at all, I wouldn’t do this for you, and if you EVER come in here again and swear or yell at my coworkers, my boss, or me, I will personally see that you are escorted from this store, by the police if necessary.
Coworker: “No, you aren’t, and quite frankly, I don’t care.

Musings about work life have long been fodder for humorists, authors, executives, and just your general "Joe Worker bee." Here are some of my favorite quotes about work.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
I’ve met a few people in my time who were enthusiastic about hard work.
A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when it needs to establish that its workers are not just sitting around downloading Internet porn.

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Funny folks like Amy Poehler and Louis C.K. might seem more likely to tickle your funny bone than inspire your thoughts, but if you stop laughing for a moment, you might learn something.
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***I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he’s out of.
***If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.
***If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
***The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.
This entry was posted in Collection, Jokes, Life, Quotes and tagged Collection, ethics, funny, Quotes, work.
***I didn’t have to work till I was three.
HAM AND EGGS – A day’s work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.
***So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said ‘You’ve been promoted.’ And I swerved.
***One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.
***I like work; it fascinates me.
***If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves.
***People are still willing to do an honest day’s work.
He rang up a third time and said ‘You’re managing director.’ And I went into a tree.
And then he rang up a second time and said “You’ve been promoted again.’ And I swerved again.
***The reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more.
***Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is the probable reason why so few engage in it.

If you show up to a big meeting before your client does, it might give you a few minutes to prepare and get comfortable, so that when your client shows up, you’re ready and confident! It’s typical to see cartoons cut out of newspapers or funny quotes hung up in workspaces because humor is an easy way to cut your stress level at work, and to turn your negative attitude into a positive one.
The joke is also oddly reassuring, in regards to the line, “So far, so good,” and it’s a concise quote, which might make it a good quote to tape or pin up in your office or work space.

If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.
I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.
The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

Have you read The Dilbert Principle ? The iconic comic book about the workplace? Creator Scott Adams gives you a humorous perspective of office life.
Funny situations also occur when people at your workplace choose to play a prank on you.
An enthusiastic job applicant walked into the office, shook hands with me, turned to my female colleague, and said, "My congratulations! I just heard that your mother expired!" We were aghast, and I could see my colleague go hot under the collar.
If you catch the latest gossip near the office coffee machine, you know that your workplace is a breeding ground for cringe-worthy stupidities.
Employers must ensure that the workplace has a vibrant atmosphere where employees share their joys and sorrows as if they are one big family.

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